Dreams

"When dreams that are good

seem shoved aside, I must die."

 

When I first copied this over, I originally put "are shoved aside." Correction: seem shoved aside. I love that. We don't know the end of the story, but as for me, I serve the One who does know.

 

In thinking of dreams, I thought of Abraham, and how God gave Him a vision--a promise--of great blessing of family and land and ultimately a Savior. Abraham surely had dreamed of a son and probably even greatness, and God blew his mind away with His answer.

 

I thought of Sarah, whose pursuit of her dream caused unimaginable tension. Hannah's dream was a baby. Do you think Esther ever dreamed of saving her people? What do you think David's dreams were? Or Daniel's? Or Mary's? Or Peter's?

 

And what about the unnamed others--the little Israelite boy who dreamed over helping to conquer the Promised Land? Or the priest in Babylon who dreamed of returning to Jerusalem? Or the little girl who witnessed one or two of Jesus' miracles? God knew their dreams, too.

 

Do you have dreams? Sometimes it's scary to dream. Sometimes it seems foolish. Sometimes I don't know what to think--but God knows. He knows that the best place for my dreams is in His capable hands.

 

He also knows--and teaches us to know as well--that only as we hope in Him, rather than in the fulfillment of our dreams, will we be satisfied.

 

Sometimes our dreams come true...sometimes they don't. And so we must die to our dreams, say "Your will be done," and allow God to resurrect them as He chooses.

 

What are your dreams...what are you doing with them?

"When wants that are

borderline needs are left unmet,

I must die."

 

"Preaching the gospel to myself every day reminds me of God's astounding love for me and also of His infinite worthiness to be loved by me above all else. These reminders deliver a on-two punch to my innate self-absorption and leave me increasingly absorbed with Christ and with God's ultimate plan to gather together all heavenly and earthly things in Him."

 

--The Gospel Primer, p. 31

Secret Sins

"When wishing to keep

besetting sins secret,

I must die."

 

 

"The Cross also exposes me before the eyes of other people, informing them of the depth of my depravity. If I wanted others to think highly of me, I would conceal the fact that a shameful slaughter of the perfect Son of God was required that I might be saved. ...Indeed, the most humiliating gossip that could ever be whispered about me is blared from Golgotha's hill; and my self-righteous reputation is left in ruins in the wake of it revelations. With the worst facts about me thus exposed to the view of others, I find myself feeling that I truly have nothing left to hide."

 

--The Gospel Primer, p.34

 

 

 

The World Behind Me, the Cross Before Me...

More Worldliness quotes...

 

"Yes, resisting worldliness requires strenuous effort. It's an inside problem and hard heart-work will be needed to effectively cut it out. And it's a lifelong battle. We must resist its influence until our dying breath." (pg 33)

"Do you want the world to lose its appeal? Then crowd out worldliness by filling your affections with the cross of Christ. Crucify the world as a dead and undesirable thing by meditating on the love of the Savior. Resist the bait of the world by gazing at the wondrous cross. For it is 'the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ,' wrote Paul, 'by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world' (Gal. 6:14)." (pg 34)

Worldliness

"When enticed by allurements

of the world, I must die."

 

Sometimes I joke about my mud hut in Africa. I'm in a missions major with no plan or vision for what God will do with it--it could be stateside, or maybe end up not directly be related to missions at all. And it's not as if I don't get caught up in "of course I need that" and yes, I frequent not-so-cheap coffee shops (mostly on gift cards and rarely out of pocket, I might add :) ). When I'm tempted to buy and get and gain, I remind myself to think of "my little mud hut." Will it be needed there? Will it matter there? Not that I should necessarily live as if I live in a mud hut in Africa right now--I live in a typical American suburban home, and that's okay. This is where God has put me for now. The danger in "getting and gaining" is doing so apart from Christ.

 

"There may be nothing wrong with these desires in and of themselves; but when they dominate the landscape of our lives--when we must have them or else!--we've succumbed to idolatry and worldliness."* (pg. 30)

  

Allurements of the world go beyond just physical stuff, however.

 

The world entices to pursue your own path, to do it your way. To live for the moment. To live for self.

 

All of these are vast opportunities to die to self--and die we must, or disobey a direct command from God.

 

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."

{1 John 2:15}

 

"We've let down our guard against worldliness. And as a love for the things of this world has infiltrated the church, it has watered down and weakened our witness. It threatens to silence our clarion call for repentance and faith in the Savior."* (pg. 22)

 

*Quotes from Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World edited by C.J. Mahaney

 

http://www.amazon.com/Worldliness-ebook/dp/B002SVQCYC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1381286289&sr=1-1&keywords=worldliness

 

The Dying of Self

 

 

 

"Let us remember that when we talk of the rending of the veil [i.e. Self] we are speaking in a figure, and the thought of it is poetical, almost pleasant, but in actuality there is nothing pleasant about it. In human experience that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain. To tear it away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed. To say otherwise is to make the cross no cross and death no death at all. It is never fun to die. To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. Yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free."

 

{Tozer, from

The Pursuit of God}

 

 

He who Judges Justly

 

 

For to this you have been called,

because Christ also suffered for you,

leaving you an example,

so that you might follow in His steps. 
He committed no sin,

neither was deceit found in His mouth. 
When He was reviled,

He did not revile in return;

when He suffered, He did not threaten,

but continued entrusting Himself

to Him who

judges justly. 

 

{I Peter 2:21-23}

Leaning on God's Mercy

"When wanting to

cling to wrongs done against me,

I must die."

 

God is a God of justice. Sin is and will be punished. One day every person will stand before an almighty, holy God and give account of himself.

In the meantime, the world is rarely fair--quite honestly, justice is not always served on earth. However, we need to remember that

"no creature is hidden from His sight,

but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him

to whom we must give account"

{Hebrews 4:13}

and also

"for this light momentary affliction is

preparing for us an eternal weight of glory

beyond all comparison."

{II Corinthians 4:17} 

God is sovereign and wise, and He is working all things for His glory and for our good (see Romans 8:28). 

Have you ever prayed for justice in a personal situation? Who would have benefitted most--you or the other person? It's come up a few times lately in my ladies' Sunday school class, how quickly we pray for mercy for ourselves but justice to others. 

It's hard to stand back and watch people seemingly getting away with wrong. It's hard to be in pain. But we must die to the fleshly reactions--anger, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness--and rather put on Spirit-controlled reactions--forgiveness, submission to God's will, trust, love.

I have thought before "but if I let go, then they'll get away with it!" How foolish is that. As if I hated sin more than God does. And praise God He also has more mercy than I do!

Two Wonders of the Cross

 

 

 

"Upon that cross of Jesus my eyes at times can see

The very dying form of One who suffered there for me;

And from my smitten heart with tears

Two wonders I confess

The wonders of

His glorious love,

and my unworthiness."

 

--Elizabeth Clephane--

(from the CD By Faith)

Hardships

On one hand, I hesitate to say I've been shattered by hardships. The hardships I've known are certainly not the worst life can hold.

But yes, I've known hardships.

I've seen plans and ideals and dreams shatter.

I've despised them.

But I'm learning not to--for whose daughter would I be if I did not experience such things? {See Hebrews 12:7-11}

As the Gospel Primer says later, "on the other side of each layer of dying lie experiences of a life with God that are far richer, far higher, and far more intimate than anything I would have otherwise known" (page 42).

Amen and amen to that. I would indeed rather have Jesus!

May I encourage you today to keep on?

For the moment all discipline

seems painful rather than pleasant,

but later it yields the peaceful fruit

of righteousness to those who have

been trained by it.

 

{Hebrews 12:11}

:My Treasure:

 

The cross of Christ, my treasure,
the blood of Christ, my plea,

His sacrifice for sinners, my hope eternally.

My life is hid in Jesus, my Lord, my God, my King!

The cross of Christ, my treasure;
the blood of Christ, my plea.

 

~Cheryl Reid~

from We Are Your Church

Intentionality

“When I wish to be selfish and serve no one, I must die.”

 

Story of my life.

I’m a phlegmatic—who tend to be nice but also lean way too often toward selfishness.

I’m a planner—not that every single day is planned out minutely, but when I do, that time is mine.

I’m also human—I have long days, bad days, and come home tired and just want to be by myself. Sometimes I’m sick. Sometimes I’m just in a bad mood.

But in each of those areas and situations, I must die. Life is not about Laura. Life is about Jesus Christ. I do not portray the glory of Christ when I wear a scowl or ignore the clean dishes in the dishwasher or don’t stop to ask family members about their day or a million other things that I do.

It is often easy to overlook and ignore the character flaws that occur in everyday mundane activities and situations. Responses and reactions happen quickly. It’s takes too much energy to deal with it. But I must die. Jesus will never look at me and say “congratulations for following your schedule!” but I do desire Him to say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

The question is…how much do I desire it? Enough to give the energy and attention to die to sin and self?

 

The Impact of the Cross

 

See from His head, His hands, His feet,

Sorrow and love flow mingled down!

Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,

Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

 

 

His dying crimson, like a robe,

Spreads o’er His body on the tree;
Then I am dead to all the globe,

And all the globe is dead to me.

 

 

-When I Survey the Wondrous Cross

by Isaac Watts-

 

 

Excruciating...Yet Abundant

“When called to do something I don’t want to do, I must die.”

 

There’s a million different aspects to writing this post. In fact, this is about the fourth draft I’ve started. A lot of life right now can be summed up in “something I don’t want to do.” A few big things, a lot of little things…

It was not my idea, back in 2009, to put my writing on the back burner and focus on other things. Other things that, yes, I did want, but not at the expense of my writing.

It was not my idea to have a multiple-years-long trial. Or two.

It was not my idea, as much as I love the kids in my Sunday night class, to lead and plan this ministry for the past year.

My biggest physical identity right now is grad school. Grad school was not my first post-undergraduate plan. Especially online through Northland. It was not my idea to stay home and work the same job I’d had since 2005 rather than move to Greenville for two years, be a graduate assistant, and work in a church plant pastored by one of my favorite BJU teachers. It was not my idea to find out that in terms of years I’m probably only half done with my program, when this would have been graduation year if I had gone to BJU (as it was for several of my friends!).

Crucifixion, as Vincent says, is excruciating.

First year grad school certainly was—although that year was more about rebellion than it was about death.

Letting go of my writing ideals was a “gasping and bloody affair.”

Learning through these ongoing trials is “heart-wrenching brutality.”

Letting go of my ideals for Truth Trackers is certainly not “easy.”

Something that God constantly has been reminding me lately is that my time is not my own.

God has the right to determine that I will attend grad school, and that it will take longer than I think necessary. God has the right to take away my writing. God has the right to determine how He will grow and sanctify me and those around me. God has the right to lead my former Truth Tracker leaders into another ministry and leave it to me, rather than finding someone to step into their shoes so I can keep wearing the ones I had been. God has the right to do with my life what He sees fit.

Therefore, I must die when His plans are different than mine.

I rebelled badly when God changed the plan from 2 years in Greenville to online school for an indefinite period of time. I didn’t want to do grad school in the first place, so God could have at least done it the way that seemed more exciting or beneficial or logical, right? I went through all the right motions—applying, registering for classes, fulfilling assignments. I knew I was struggling…but it wasn’t until much later that I realized how much I wasn’t just struggling, but rebelling. I was refusing to die to my plans and dreams, as though I knew better than God and God had made a mistake.

I honestly don’t look back at 2011 with fond memories. Oh sure, I bought my car. Rachel and I took a road trip to Greenville. I counseled at both teen camp and junior camp. Those were amazing, precious gifts from God. But I turned around and spurned the grace God was pouring into my life by basically saying “thanks, but what about these areas over here? You forgot about that one.”

As if I deserved my wonderful car, a great trip back to my beloved alma matter with my sister, and getting to do ministry within my church body. Last I checked, God owes me nothing. In fact, I am the one that sent Jesus to the cross. What I deserve is God’s wrath and separation from Him. He didn’t have to save me, but in His grace and mercy, He did.

I owe Him everything. How can I not accept a change a plans, a different timing, hardships, letting go of my ideals? Yes, as humans, life is a big deal. I’m not saying these things shouldn’t hurt. After all, crucifixion is excruciating. What I am saying is that I didn’t have to rebel.

Tears aren’t rebelling. Crying out to God is not rebelling.

A cold heart is rebelling. Clasping fingers tightly is rebelling. The hearts and the fingers we must surrender.

Looking back at 2012 reveals definite steps in the right direction, though not always perfectly on course.

And 2013? It’s been sweet. Excruciating still, yes. But surrender brings sweet peace and joy in the midst of that. I’ve been on both sides, so I know—although I’m sure I’ll look back later and see that I wasn’t finished yet even now. But praise God that “on the other side of each layer of dying lie experiences of a life with God that are far richer, far higher, and far more intimate than anything I would have otherwise known” (Gospel Primer, 42).

And would I rather stay in the dark and gloomy confines of rebellion, or would I rather endure the heart-wrenching bloodiness of abundant life?

“He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, that we might die to sin
and live to righteousness.”
{I Peter 2:24}

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.
I came that they may have life
and have it abundantly.”
{John 10:10}

 

 

::The Prohibited Thing::

A few weeks ago I was working on this post, and I was amazed at how much the cross and death kept coming up. I listened to a couple audio books in the car by A.W. Tozer, and both had chapters about taking up our crosses and dying to self. Evidently it wasn't just me who decided to do some cross-focusing...perhaps it was God's idea in the first place!

Easter is coming up. I didn't plan this series around Easter but it certainly fits. Easter, after all, happened because of the cross! Jesus died--but we serve a risen Savior because of Easter morning.

I actually planned this series because a week ago Monday I began classes again. Christmas break plus a half-semester of no classes has made for a nice 13-week break. Really nice. Watching movies, reading books (I haven't made an official count yet--but many, many books!), hanging out with friends, attending a Bible study with plenty of time to do the study/homework part, trying not to sleep in but not having to worry if I do...much of that went away last week.

For me, grad school is a dying to self. My time, my schedule, my priorities, my activities (and yes, my blog writing), all have to shift in order to hit the books. I never asked for grad school...but God obviously knew I needed a lot of sanctification and this happens to be a good stage for it.

"When my flesh

yearns for some

prohibited thing,

I must die."

{The Gospel Primer, 41}

Prohibited perhaps by conviction, perhaps because it's a sin. In my case,
*calling my time my own is prohibited
*being done with grad school is prohibited (not for always :)
*being undisciplined in eating or wasting time are prohibited

Sometimes it's hard to see the black-and-white in all of those but we must agree with what God says about them in order to die. Our attempt to die will be half-hearted at best unless we see it as God sees it.

No one actually has the right to call their time their own. God is our sovereign Lord who has the right and ability to change our plans whenever He desires...and His ways are always better than mine.

So every time I...
*have to say no to a fun weekend activity, I must die
*desire to spend just five more minutes on facebook or pinterest, I must die
*want to claim I have too much homework to stop and do those dishes, I must die

Death in any form is no fun. It's not easy. It's not pleasant. Vincent goes on to say that each of us must "embrace the cross" our own deaths. However God is calling me to die today, I must seize the opportunity.

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead."

{Philippians 3:8-11}

Crucified with Christ

Death is not a pretty subject. It's one we tend to stay away from.

Death of self. Death to self.

Every Christian is called to it, but it is not a well-versed subject these days.
 

And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?

{Luke 9:23-25}

 

I don't believe it is a secret to this audience that one of my favorite books is The Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent.

Two sister sections that get me every time I read them are All Things Crucified, Parts 1 and 2.

The cross--Jesus' death on the cross--is the central focus of the Gospel story. Why should we expect anything different in our own life stories? Vincent points out from Galatians 2:20 that we, too, have been crucified--that is, our flesh with its worldly desires.

 

In one  of these sections, Vincent creates a vivid picture of the war that we must wage everyday. It is these powerful statement that I will, Lord willing, be writing about over the next few weeks.

"When my flesh yearns for some prohibited thing, I must die."

But remember, on the other side of death is life and fruit:

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

{John 12:24}

 

 

 

::Embracing the Cross::

"The Gospel is not simply the story of 'Christ, and Him crucified'; it is also the story of my own crucifixion. {Galatians 2:20}

 

Crucifixion hurts. In fact, its heart-wrenching brutality can numb the senses. It is a gasping and bloody affair, and there is nothing nice, pretty, or easy about it. It is not merely death, but excruciating death.

 

Preaching [Christ's] story to myself each day puts me in a frame of mind to trust God and embrace the cross of my own dying also."

 

 

 

{The Gospel Primer, 39-41}