But I Don't Understand...

"I want to trust God...

But I don't understand

what He's doing."

--Adam Mitchell

from Courageous

Understanding isn't a prerequisite. The thing I've been contemplating lately is that we don't really trust people (deeply) whom we don't know.

So we must spend time with Jesus and know Him more and more!

A Prayer

"Thank You, my loving and sovereign God, that my failures and mistakes are part of the 'all things' You work together for good... I praise you that 'all things,' including these, can contribute to my spiritual growth and my experience of You...When my heart is overwhelmed, I'm more aware of my need to cry to You...to take refuge in You...to rely on You.

I rejoice that these things keep reminding me to depend on You with all my heart...that they prompt me to trust in Your love, Your forgiveness, Your power, Your sufficiency, Your ability to overrule, and Your transforming presence within me."

{from 31 Days of Praise by Ruth Myers}

Trusting...

Trusting.

Taking each moment one step at a time.

Pressing on.

Willing to wait.

Remaining steadfast in hope.

Not letting the moments pass by carelessly.

Living to the hilt where I am (as Jim Elliot would say).

Pursuing Christ.

Nothing glamerous...
Often difficult...

But "we do not lose."
{II Corinthians 4}


God is worthy of all trust. But my decision to trust Him is not a once-for-all: it is a moment-by-moment renewing of my mind, realigning of my will, and discipline of emotions.

God is good, and so I'm

Trusting.

Nothing is Too Hard

"My God is so BIG, so strong and so mighty,

There's nothing my God cannot do."

Am I truly trusting?

Or worrying? Or ignoring?

Or just mouthing it when

my heart is far from it for real?

" 'Ah, Lord GOD!

It is You who have made

the heavens and the earth

by Your great power and

by Your outstretched arm!

Nothing is too hard for You.
You show steadfast love to thousands,

but You repay the guilt of fathers

to their children after them,

O great and mighty God,

whose name is the LORD of hosts,
great in counsel and mighty in deed,

whose eyes are open to

all the ways of the children of man,

rewarding each one according to his ways

and according to the fruit of his deeds.
You have shown signs and

wonders in the land of Egypt,

and to this day in Israel and

among all mankind,

and have made a name for Yourself,

as at this day.'

...
The word of the LORD came to Jeremiah:
'Behold, I am the LORD,

the God of all flesh.

Is anything too hard for me?' "

{Jeremiah 32}

No, nothing, Lord. 

I will trust. 

 

Learning to Trust

You may not have noticed my monthly themes I began a couple of months ago. Afterall, November is always "thankful month" and the wonder-amazement-awe theme of December was rather Christmas-y.

Nevertheless, I plan to have month themes for the next year or so, Lord willing.
January hasn't been so easy to decide on a theme for but I think I know what God has in mind...which I think is partly why I haven't posted yet this week.
(The other "partly" is because a week of no commitments and deadlines has been nice, and I've taken advantage of the beatiful weather to do more reading than computer work.)

God has been showing me my lack of trust and lack of faith. And God doesn't show us things just to entertain us. He expects me to change--by His grace.

I felt lost in the shuffle last year; my journal entries attest to that. I had to keep reminding myself that God has reasons for saying no to what seemed like "everything." He has reasons for delaying desires and plans. He has reasons for the "desert" times of life.

My first entry of 2011 mentioned 5 things that could/probably would happen and answers to prayer we were anticipating.

Of those 5, one (moving to Greenville) decidedly did not happen, and there are many reasons to be glad. Another (beginning grad school) decidedly did happen, and there are many reasons I'm not completely excited about that. :)

The other 3...they're all things I--and my family--have been praying about for years. I went into last year with the hope that those issues would be resolved and that those prayers would be answered.

I'm still praying about them, hoping for even a glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Trusting God means having hope even when there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

Trusting God means having joy even our circumstances don't change.

Trusting God means having faith that He can do "impossible" things, that He can--and will--do "exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think."

Trusting God means having the strengh (relying on His grace and strength) to look at 2012 with hope and joy and faith...even though nothing has "changed."

Will this time next year see me rejoicing in the full answers of these 3 things? I pray so... but I'm praying more that I will rejoice in God and love Him more fully and be conformed to His image. Whatever it takes.

P.S. Even when we know we're on the right track, it's still nice to know others have thought the same thing. I was encouraged this afternoon by this post.

2011 & 2012

A Look Back: 2011

Solomon’s prayer at the dedication of the temple ended by saying “let your saints rejoice in your goodness” (II Chronicles 6:41). I will rejoice in God’s goodness, for though I’ve cried, I’ve also laughed. Though I’ve said goodbye to dreams, I’ve also lived out a dream. Though I still pray requests I’ve been asking for years, I’ve seen many, many prayer requests answered. 

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” (Ecc. 3:1). I’ve found I’m grateful life is full of seasons. And I’m grateful that God proves His faithfulness in each season

Highlights of the year…

March 1^st, Ivy joined the family. I loves her. J It’s been a good car—not perfect, but specific answers to prayers in many ways (color, mileage, CD player… ;)!

Also in March, Rachel and I took a road trip out to Greenville for BJU’s Bible Conference!  Driving my car of course. J It was so much fun to go back and the conference was a good one…each year keeps getting better!

However, God closed the door on going back to BJ for grad school. It’s a long story—consider it sufficient to say the door closed because God had another plan. And I have the privilege of aligning my will to His. It was not easy…still isn’t, some days. But I am grateful for all He’s been showing and teaching me.

And not going to BJ to work over the summer allowed me to be a part of several ministries at church—again, specific answers to prayer and even above and beyond! I was able to help out with VBS as staff. So fun to feed kids food because you become their best friend. ;) The very next week

was teen camp where I was a room leader (counselor). Full of struggles and joys…I would do it again in a heartbeat and yet God showed me ugly sin in my life: pride, wrong focus, idols… And yet two weeks later found me as a co-counselor at junior camp, also full of struggles and joys. I remember praying once at the beginning of the year, “God…I’d love to do junior camp.” I didn’t even so much ask as just express a desire of my heart. God said yes…and gave me teen camp on top of that!

This fall can be summed up in two words: grad school. When God said no to BJ, He said yes to Northland Online. I totally was not prepared for what I was in for! My original major at BJ was going to be Church Ministries and when they got rid of that major, it tentatively was going to be Biblical Studies. Not to sound terrible, but that didn’t thrill me—it sounded technical and not really what I had in mind. The switch to Northland gave me two options: Biblical Studies and Cross-Cultural Studies. CCS sounded amazing. But it also sounded like a lot of commitment (6-week overseas internship?) without having a lot of detail. So I started out the semester in Biblical Studies: just one class (and a non-credit learn-how-to-write-a-grad-paper class that supposedly was “nothing”). Let’s just say it did not go over very well and proved to me that Biblical Studies was technical and not really what I had in mind and was a little too pastor-ish.  

So now I am almost-officially a Cross- Cultural Studies student. The online classes are 8-week sessions and so the second half of the semester I was able to take a CCS class—and I lovedit! Which has not necessarily made grad school easier…I’m already ready to graduate. J 

Favorite New Books…

Worldliness: resisting the seduction of a fallen world  

by C.J. Mahaney 

The Lord of the Rings  trilogy by JRR Tolkien

Song of the Year: “The Look”

I saw One hanging on a tree in agony and blood,

Who fixed His loving eyes on me as near His cross I stood.

And never till my dying breath will I forget that look.

It seemed to charge me with His death though not a word He spoke.

…

…But with a second look He said “I freely all forgive.

This blood is for your ransom paid; I died that you might live.”

…

Forever etched upon my mind is the look of Him who died,

The Lamb I crucified; and now my life will sing the praise

Of pure, atoning grace that looked on me and gladly took my place.

{John Newton/Bob Kauflin}

I spent a lot of time pouting about my change of plans this year and not enough time praising God for the atoning grace that has given me all the good things in my life. I have hopes and dreams, yes and plans, for 2012. But I want God to be in the center of it all. I want God to be my hope. To be my dream. To want my plans to dissolve into His. He knows what He’s doing even while I have no clue what I’m doing! J He is teaching me just how much I can trust Him. It’s a little confusing, not always fun, and it’s not over yet.

But He is good. And I rest in that!

A Look Ahead: 2012

Spring: another semester (first with two classes, second half with just one);

also scheming for another trip to Bible Conference!

Summer: another class or two. 

 Fall: another class or two. 

Winter:  another class or two.  

Something like that. J Hopefully I will at least be making plans for my internship, enjoying church ministries, and watching God answer prayers. And still learning to trust Him more…will you join me on that journey? 

Happy New Year

And blessings for 2012!