{This rambling is posted because I need the reminder, not so much because I think everybody else is interested and will really read to the end. But then again, I hope it's more God's story than my story anyway...
Dates reflect when I originally wrote this and I like the stair-steps effect so I'm not changing them to reflect today's numbers. :) }
76 days. 74 days. 72
days.
One represents how
many days of 2015 have already passed. One represents how many days until I
leave for Brazil. One represents how many days I'll be in Brazil.
Honestly, 2014 was a
hard year to let go of. Israel--personal victories--finding out I would
graduate soon--seeing God so vividly at work in the various ministries of VBS,
Good News Club, Junior Camp, and early Brazil fundraising.
Israel included
intense conviction as well as the incredible joy of just being there.
Finally giving in to
the struggle of wanting God-And, and being okay (and actually more than just
okay) with just God Himself as my Friend, Treasure, and Joy.
Through the tears
and frustrations of VBS, God proved His sufficiency. Though Good News Club had
a rocky beginning and has been anything but smooth along the way, God declares
that His Word will go forth. God showed His willingness to "give good gifts"
through many and varied answers to prayer throughout last year's Junior Camp.
Though financially not always so successful, God worked through church-related
fundraisers and began to teach us flexibility and the need for trust and
faithfulness regardless of results.
2014 definitely had
its tears and uncertainties and hurts and frustrations. But through it all, God
was there.
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| Flying back from Israel, reading the Psalms of David |
My usual optimistic
self will look at difficult ministry situations and count down the hours if I
have do--"we only have to survive 2 more hours!!" But the Friday of
this VBS, I was done. I went back to church that morning because I knew it really
wasn't an option not to. There were a few who knew what was going on and were
praying, but God unquestionably showed His love through a fellow teacher who
didn't know what was going on--it seriously was just a silly thing that she did
for me, but it was what put my faltering heart back on course. I remembered, This was do-able because it was
really God's work, and I was just the instrument.
Good News Club has
been a roller coaster ride from the very beginning. From gathering the teaching
team together to dealing with some...very interesting kids to just plain
learning about ministry hands on, both how to do it, and definitely how not to
do it. And when I wanted to question why God put me in charge of this club this
year, somebody would email--a fellow teacher, a parent. I would watch the
Gospel clearly explained to kindergarteners and first graders and marvel that
even those so young could be offered salvation--and possibly watch souls being
written in the Book of Life. That day when that thought hit me will be forever
engrained in my memory. Why would God choose me to be a part of this??
And, oh, Junior
Camp. Junior Camp is the Best Week of the Year. I went into last year with the
probability that it was my last year--I'll be in Brazil for the Best Week of
the Year 2015 and who knows what life holds after that. When I first thought of
that, I was saddened, but I can't begin to describe the feeling that
overwhelmed me when I stepped on that campsite Sunday night of camp week. The
beginning of the end. I didn't want to let go. I had this strange balance of
going all out like never before, and yet holding back a little, as if I could
hold back the goodbyes that inevitably would come. I was physically and
emotionally spent by Wednesday, and God had given me enthusiastic and energetic
co-counselors who gave what I did not have to give as well as being my
Moses-arm-lifters when I needed it! And so many little answers to prayers all
throughout the week. And just love upon love poured out from those all around
me.
As I continue to
work on fundraising for Brazil, the end amount with church fundraising ended up
being more than I expected, both because of what it seemed like we were making
and because our leaders had estimated a much smaller amount per person (although,
granted, we originally had a much bigger group).
I'm amazed at the
details God has worked out for me to combine my grad school internship with my
church young adult group missions trip. I'm amazed at the little details that
are falling into place for my time there. I'm amazed by the people who have sent
financial support after I recently sent out support letters. Amazed. Each
generous check is a confirmation to me that they see God doing something
through me in Brazil this summer--and I need to be reminded of that. Just as I
look back at VBS and remember that God was there at my lowest of lows--and that
God has been faithful, not just to me personally, but to declare His Word at
Good News Club--and that God gave strength when I literally had none to give at
Junior Camp--and that He has been providing what I need, even before I knew I
needed it, for Brazil.
I have so much
hesitancy and uncertainly about spending a summer in Brazil. I don't know the
people. I don't know the language. I'm going to be hopping around 2 weeks here,
2 weeks there, 2 weeks there, and 4 weeks back again where I started (as it
stands right now…"flexibility is key!" so who knows what it will
actually be). I love adventure and I love new places and I'm excited to fly
again and I can't wait to see Brazilian palm trees and beaches. But a whole
summer, and 8 weeks of the 10 without a missions team, essentially on my
own...This is unchartered territory that won't be over "in just a few
days." We're talking about a whole summer of my life.
So I remind myself
that that is where God will be. He expects me to follow Him--and I plan to. But
that doesn't mean it will be smooth sailing until we get there. That is why I
am so grateful for 2014 as a whole and the support money and prayers of the past
few weeks. Anytime I start to second guess, I can confidently speak truth to my
heart: God is going with me to Brazil. He's going before, and I can trustingly
follow. I don't know the half of what this summer holds...but I love the truth
of the old cliché: I know Who holds this summer. I know Him and have proved Him
so much especially recently. I can trust this God who loves me and cares for me
so much!
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| My Prayer Card :) |
